To All Esteemed Boards of Admission,

We have received your decision in regards to our academic futures and wish to thank you for your consideration of our applications. However, we regret to inform you that we are unable to accept your rejections at this time. March is a busy year for all of us at Gunn High School, and the volume of rejection letters received by seniors puts immense strain on our emotions as we try to cope with the limited space we have for feelings of loss and unworthiness. Fortunately, there are openings available on the Rejection Wall that we hope can accommodate your letters.

Although you may think that the Rejection Wall is second rate compared to “rejection acceptance,” it is actually a wonderful alternative with a rich history. The Wall is a tradition for high school seniors across the country that helps us cope with the emotional turmoil of college rejection. While you may not realize it, your quintessential phrase, “We regret to inform you…,” packs quite a wallop and often leaves seniors feeling shocked and depressed. By taking a public place on the Rejection Wall, your rejections will help seniors work past these negative feelings by showing that no one is alone with college rejection. Publicly displayed in all their depressing glory, your letters simultaneously stimulate a mental group hug, a sense of defiance and a reality check. With each punch of the stapler, another rejected senior comes away feeling a sense of camaraderie and liberation.

While the Rejection Wall is mostly reserved for genuine rejection letters, several spaces are set aside every year for prank rejections submitted by students. Don’t worry, though; these jokes are in no way meant to take away from the gravity of your rejections. Letters from institutions ranging from the Jedi Academy to Hogwarts, serve to break up the sad aura that is an unfortunate by-product of your letters. Seeing these small jokes amid a collage of real rejections lightens the air and allows seniors to maintain a positive attitude that doesn’t involve schadenfreude.

Again, we deeply regret that we cannot accept your rejections. We understand (or at least hope) that you took into consideration the blood, sweat, tears and hours that went into crafting our applications. We hope that your rejections’ place on our Rejection Wall is some consolation for the expense it took to send them. Good luck with your careers.

Sincerely,

The Gunn High School Class of ‘09