We see it everywhere we go, whether we’re walking to class or sitting down to eat lunch. No one likes to see it, but it’s always lurking close by. Ladies and gentleman, I’m talking about PDA, otherwise known as Public Display of Affection.

Now, what is a public display of affection? Public displays of affection are an unnecessary and vulgar way couples show off their relationship status (as if Facebook isn’t enough). What starts as a harmless hug becomes a death grip where the couple intertwines and finally bam, a full-on collision of the lips. The tongues move like snakes battling for territory, with neither of the two showing clear signs of victory. I know that this is not an article for the Discovery Channel, but as a reporter, it’s my duty to write what I see, no matter how vulgar it may be.

Kissing someone is supposed to be a private moment enjoyed only by the participants and no one else. It’s a moment when two people can embrace each other and express their feelings for each other. However, no one else should be forced to share that moment. Letting people see you kiss is like inviting them to share your deepest and darkest secrets. You wouldn’t invite a vampire to your house, so why would you invite them to your mouth?

See I am not talking about the quick peck kisses. I’m talking about those kisses that turn heads and win MTV movie awards. It’s these kisses that make your friends fake a sudden interest in how many tiles are on the ceiling or what three wishes they would use if they were stuck on an abandoned island forever.

The sound a couple makes is also truly disturbing. You would assume that if two mouths collided no sound would escape. Unfortunately, a permanent suction of lips impermeable to dust and air can be clearly heard, so cover your ears. Moist smacks are the most common sounds followed by deep moans and groans—terrible sounds no man or woman should be forced to hear.

Some people might ask: “Who cares?” As long as they are with their soulmate, nothing else should matter, right? It’s understandable the first time, but two PDAs, and they’ve crossed the line. Public displays of affection should only go as far as to subtly tell people that they are going out. Simply holding hands or hugging each other is perfectly acceptable. A quick kiss is a little iffy and making out in public is a jump into the deep end of PDA shame.

I speak for myself, and I hope a few others, when I say this: “No one wants to see them lips.” But if all else fails and your “thirst” for the other person’s lips rules out reason, do us all a favor —get yourself a room.